ep. 032 • How to handle the naysayers

Chelsea: "You are bound to fail." They don't even have to say those words directly. You can hear it in their tone when they ask you, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

You can see it in their body language when they talk about your business. Yup! You notice that side-eye. They don't believe in your vision. They don't believe that you can do it. They don't believe any of it to be possible.

Adding insult to injury, this is someone who knows and loves you. It's your partner, your parent, your childhood friend. It's not some stranger on the internet, trolling your dreams. It's the person who you look to for support and encouragement. It's the person you were sure would be in your corner. And it hurts every time.

Listen, friend, not everyone is going to appreciate your ambition. The people nearest to you are often the same ones who will be the quickest to come up with objections. And it's not that they mean to discourage you, they don't want to see you fail. They want to keep you safe. And they mean it with love; even if it's not to your actual benefit.

Today, we're talking about how you can handle the naysayers – especially, and most particularly, when those naysayers are close to your heart 

Welcome to the Hennapreneur podcast – the exclusive podcast of its kind dedicated to giving you an honest look at the realities of making a living as a henna professional.

I'm your host, Chelsea Stevenson, a tea-loving, shoe-collecting mother of three in constant search for the most popping pair of earrings and the perfect shade of red lipstick.

I'm also a professional henna artist and business strategist who went from barely being able to piece together a fluid design to being the owner of the most celebrated henna boutique in my city.

I'm on a mission to help henna professionals, to harness their skills and grow vibrant, profitable businesses that they absolutely love.

If you want to make more money with your art, you are definitely in the right place. Let's get to it!

Hey, hey, hennapreneurs! Welcome back to another episode of the Hennapreneur podcast. Today, we are talking about how to handle the naysayers, right?

What do you do when there is someone who you would have expected to be in your corner, and then when you actually get to doing the things you find that they.... they're not so much of a hater, I wouldn't call them a hater, but they're saying, "I don't know about this." And they start to give you pushback around what you were hoping to achieve for yourself.

So, let's start from the top, right? I feel like it's super important for us to identify who we're even talking about here because I want you to be looking for where the naysayers are in your life, alright?

So I want to tell you a quick story about one of my past clients. When she came to Hennapreneur, she had been working with henna for a few years, right? She had attended a number of conferences and other, like, local-to-her meetups. She wasn't seeing clients consistently, but she was dedicated to her art. She was mixing natural henna. She was trying to, um, do the best that she could to make sure that she served those few and far between clients really well, but she also realized that her business was not really a business. At best, her business was a hobby that sometimes paid enough that she could get a couple extra coffees at Starbucks, but it definitely was not something that was bringing enough revenue to, you know, to benefit her and to benefit her family in the way that she'd wanted.

So, she found Hennapreneur and when we first started working together, she told me a story about her husband, right? And I always love getting insights around what else is going on in my clients' and students' and mentees' life. Because when I have that sort of context, it's often helpful for me to coach them through the challenges that they'll experience.

And in this particular case, right, this person, you know, she came to me and she's like, "Hey, I'm having this issue with my husband and I'm wondering if you could give me some advice or like, help me know what to do about this."

The thing is, she'd been working with henna, again, for a number of years and while she'd been developing her henna practice, her husband had, otherwise, been actually quite supportive. He, was very helpful to her in terms of making arrangements when she wanted to attend the conferences or when she wanted to, you know, buy a new henna paste, or if she was registering to do, like, a craft fair or things like this. He was quite supportive.

And the challenge became that when he saw her make the shift to really and truly solidify her business, he actually started to question her. And the conversations that were being had between them moved from that feeling of, you know, being supported and being encouraged to:

Why are you doing this?

Is this a real thing?

How many people do you know that are actually doing this work?

What does this look like?

This looks like a big investment; is this worth it? Are you going to actually follow through?

Is this something that you're serious about?

You've tried other things in the past, right?

And so, all of a sudden this person who, you know, is her life partner and who appreciated and supported her in her henna practice when it was like small-timey, right? When it was just for fun. He shifted it up and he kind of changed his position when it came time for her to come to the table and say, "Okay, I think that I really want to go all in with my business."

And when she disclosed what was happening and she just started to share some of the conversations that they were having with me, what she basically said is, "You know, I'm feeling really discouraged."

The questions that he was asking were questions that weren't even specific to what she would learn or what she would gain inside of, you know, consulting and working with me. They were questions that were directed at her about her capacity.

Again, you know, you've tried things in the past, are you going to stick with it?

Suddenly, this person, you know, her husband, who has been there and has shared her life experience and who has all of this context and has all of this history, um, about her, started to pull things out from the closet, if you will, and remind her of other instances where she'd either not followed through or she failed or things didn't work out in the way that she'd wanted, et cetera.

And so she felt really discouraged and she started to question if she was doing the right thing. If it was the right thing for her to follow her own wants, and her own desires in starting her business.

And when she came to me with this situation, I could tell that she was very distraught. She was very upset by this. Um, it hurt her feelings, and not only that, but it did  start to weigh heavily on her in the sense that she was unsure if what he was saying was true enough or carried enough weight that she should pay it mind. And this, she did not say explicitly to me. But I find myself to be pretty intuitive, and judging by the way that she spoke about this situation, she felt like it was just her.

And the reason I share this with you now is that if you are in a situation like this, I want you to know that it's a common experience and you're not alone. And I was really happy to be able to share that with her and let her know "You're not alone. This happens so, so, so often."

The naysayers in your life are likely hiding in plain sight.

This is going to be the spouse, or the partner. This will be a close friend. It will be a colleague. More often than not, these aren't strangers on the internet; these are people who you know, who you love, and who you trust. And that's what makes this all that much more challenging.

When someone who holds importance in your life, doubts you or shows hesitation around your vision, it can cause you to feel scared, like, "What if they're right"? It can cause you to feel discouraged. You may begin to ask: "What about me isn't good enough. What about me isn't right for this? Why is it that they don't see it possible for me? Maybe they see something that I don't," right?

And at worst, honestly, um, in my own experience, this sort of thing can cause you to feel betrayed, right? You begin to ask yourself the question: "Why don't they want to see me succeed? Why don't they want to see me happy?" And when you have that feeling of betrayal, that really places a weight on the relationship, and that's not that healthy for either of you.

So, there are a few things that you need to know if you find yourself in a situation like this with a naysayer who is close to you, right?

In most cases, it's not that they don't want to see you be successful, okay? Please hear me when I say that.

The thing is, these are people in your life who wants to see you happy and they want to see you safe. They don't want to see you fail. Starting a business is risky and when you start with your henna practice and at first it's all fun and games, and you're just creating designs because you enjoy designing or you're just doing art here and there, you know, working for tips or taking the occasional client. It's just fun, right? It's that vocation. And there is little space for intimidation right there for the people around you who know and love and care about you. But when they see you say, "I think that I want to take this on. I think that I want to go all in. I think that I want to make this a business. I think that I'm ready to step into those CEO shoes. I think that I'm ready to make this be something more serious, more permanent." then things shift and they may feel that going all in is risky. And I think that that's fair. I think that that's fair for them to say, and for them to believe.

I mean, imagine if you saw someone who you loved, uh, rolling those proverbial dice, right? You'd probably hold your breath, too. And this happens!

I mean, this happens with friends, it might happen with a sibling. It might happen with your children, right?

You see someone who you know, and you love, and you care about them, and they want to do something that's a little more risky than you'd like, and it's not because you want to discourage them, it's not because you don't want them to be happy, it's because you know that on the other side of risk is the potential for things not to go according to plan. And if they don't go according to plan, you don't want to see that person hurt.

And so, I think that there's space for us to acknowledge and have that same compassion that they have for us when these sorts of things arise.

 You can 100% acknowledge their concerns and honor their intentions without taking ownership of, or otherwise adopting, their fears. Okay?

And so, here is where I'm going to give you a little bit of, because when you have situations like these, they can place strain on the relationships that you have. And because these are people who you love and you care about and who hold importance in your life, you don't want to have those relationships strained unnecessarily.

So, here is where I'm going to challenge and invite you to have hard conversations. Okay? There's no way around that. So, what this is going to require from you is that you be open and honest with this person.

First, I want to suggest that you share your gratitude for their careful consideration of your best interests. Thank them for wanting to see you safe and successful. Thank them for being conscious and mindful of what could happen if things don't go according to plan. And thank them for their wish for you to have the best results, right? And then, also let them know that there are better ways that they can support you. And ask for this, specifically.

So this could look like a number of different things. It could present as a number of different asks. It may be something like, "You know, mom. It's more empowering for me to know that you trust that I know what's right for me." It could be saying to your spouse, "I feel like you don't believe that I can do this and your encouragement would be so much more appreciated." Or it could be saying to that person, "You know, I know that this may seem really risky to you, and I would love to count on your support either way."

Letting them know that you hear their concerns and that you value their care and that you honor their intent of keeping you safe and wanting to see you happy is important, because we have to understand that there can be two truths that exist in the same space, right? So those fears that they have are true and the feelings that they have are true and they should be acknowledged.

The fact that they are approaching you from a place of love and a place of caring should also be acknowledged, right? This is also true.

I'm not talking about, please understand, this advice is not in the context that those people who are just telling you "No, you can't" because, like, they're toxic and abusive. This is not what I'm discussing here. This is those people who you know are typically in your corner, but for whatever reason, you know, as you're approaching this, again, more serious, perhaps, approach in your business, that you see them kind of falter. And so, that's what I'm discussing here.

 And you can acknowledge, you know, you can acknowledge that their intent towards you is appreciated, and that also, you need their support. And that also, the things that they're saying, the words that they're saying, make you feel a certain way. Make you feel unsure, make you feel that you're not supported or that you're not believed in or that they don't see you as being capable, and no one enjoys that. And so this is someone who loves and values you in the same way, when they hear this from you, it's going to mean something to them, right?

So you can acknowledge them for their feelings and their thoughts, and you can express that gratitude and appreciation for their intent, and then you're going to introduce how they can better support you.

"It would mean more to me if–"

"It would be more helpful to me if–"

"I would love it if instead–"

And then let them know what that's going to look like, okay?

Now, what I do want to kind of make sure that I convey here is that you do have to understand that you don't have the ability to control others. You can only speak your truth. And in best case scenario, they change their tune. They hear what you're saying. They're receptive. They may even be apologetic.

"Oh, wow. I didn't realize that I made you feel that way."

"Oh, wow. I didn't realize that my feedback took you to that place. That's not what I meant."

Whatever.

And in those circumstances, wonderful! Now you've got this new cheerleader who's ready to support you even if they've got those fears that are present with them.

On the other side, on the other hand, the worst case scenario would be that they don't, right? They don't change their position. Perhaps they even double down. Um, perhaps they go back into that bag and start to pull out more receipts on why what you're doing just doesn't make sense. And in that case, I kind of want to ask you to reflect on the quality of that relationship or the dynamic of that relationship, because you are deserving of having people in your life who value not only your vision, but also who value your experience. And so if you are sharing that inside of your relationship, you feel unseen, unheard, or otherwise unsupported, then perhaps there's some further unpacking to happen there.

And I just want to say, because I think that this is something that oftentimes is kind of brushed aside, but support doesn't mean "agreement with". You can support someone even if you disagree. And one of the greatest mercies that we can show towards someone who we love and care about is saying, "You know what? I, don't understand that–" or perhaps, "I do understand and I disagree with that. And also, I'll support you anyway, because that's your life and I want, I want you to live in your truth." Right?

And so we want to have relationships with people who also feel that way about us and who exhibit that sort of behavior towards us, as well.

So, what I want to leave you with here is that, regardless of whether you receive the support that you're looking for, or you don't, you are the author of your own story. And you have to be willing to forge ahead anyway.

You must understand that sometimes support in the way that you might be looking for it may only come after these people or that person has seen you take the leap. Sometimes, it requires them seeing the action happen. Sometimes, it takes time. Sometimes, that support comes much later than what you would have hoped for. But sometimes that's just how people are. And so, if that's the case, and if that's what you experienced, I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with your journey, but you are responsible to yourself and you are responsible to your own big, audacious goals.

And so, regardless of what the people around you may think, may say, may offer in opinions, you know what's best for you and it is one of the greatest CEO moves that you can make to lean into your own intuition and to say, "This is it." And go for it, alright?

So, I want to invite you to share about your experience with the naysayers. If you pop over to the Hennapreneur Community, we're going to be talking a little bit about that this week. You're welcome to join us there. If you're not already a member of the Facebook group, you can find us easily at Hennapreneur.com/community. And there, we're just going to be chatting. We're going to be chatting a little bit about how to cope with the naysayers when they come up.

And if you're in a situation right now, perhaps, where you have someone who's unreceptive to, you know, towards your vision or who otherwise is making you feel doubted or doubtful of yourself, then let's unpack it. Let's have some conversation there and let's get you the support that you need so that you can make the right steps for you, right now, inside of your life and business.

Alright! I will talk to you guys next time. Bye bye for now. 

Hey friend. I just want to give you a quick, thank you for tuning into this episode of the Hennapreneur podcast. And I hope that you're really enjoying connecting with me in this way. You can find links to all of the content shared today in the show notes, located at Hennapreneur.com/podcast.

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 For more ways to connect and work with me or to join me inside of the Hennapreneur Community, pop over to Hennapreneur.com. I can't wait to support you as you chase your big audacious goals one henna design at a time.