ep. 034 • The Stories That Keep Us Small

Chelsea: Recently, a colleague shared that while she was looking through job postings, she found the following verbiage on a job post that said, "Research shows that men apply to jobs when they meet an average of 60% of the criteria required, while women and other marginalized folks often apply only when they fit every single item. If you believe you could excel in this role, but don't meet every single criteria, please get in touch anyway."

She went on to say how reading this inspired her, not only to submit her application for the position, but how it also inspired her to double down on her efforts to grow her business, which is currently inside 'hustle' status. Today, I want to talk to you about how you, too, may be self-limiting purely on the belief that you must meet all criteria required in order to be a successful business owner. And spoiler alert! You don't. 

Welcome to the Hennapreneur podcast – the exclusive podcast of its kind dedicated to giving you an honest look at the realities of making a living as a henna professional.

I'm your host, Chelsea Stevenson, a tea-loving, shoe-collecting mother of three in constant search for the most popping pair of earrings and the perfect shade of red lipstick.

I'm also a professional henna artist and business strategist who went from barely being able to piece together a fluid design to being the owner of the most celebrated henna boutique in my city.

I'm on a mission to help henna professionals, to harness their skills and grow vibrant, profitable businesses that they absolutely love.

If you want to make more money with your art, you are definitely in the right place. Let's get to it!

Hey, hey, hennapreneurs! Welcome back to another episode of the Hennapreneur podcast. Today, I want to talk to you about this idea that so many of us carry that we have to be X, Y, or Z before we can be successful as hennapreneurs. 

And what prompted this whole idea or this whole conversation with you, if you will, it was a chat that I had with a colleague of mine recently. You know, she's someone, she's a business owner and she also is still working in her full time job, right? So her business is very much a side hustle at this point in time. And she has not been particularly happy at her 9 to 5 and so she's been looking for some, you know, some different opportunities and in her job search, she came across this listing. And what caught her attention about this particular listing is that at the end of the posting, they had this little blurb that said, basically, if you are someone who is a woman, or if you're someone from a marginalized group or marginalized community, that they would like to hear from you, even if you did not meet all of the criteria that were indicated in the job posting. 

And what's most interesting to me is that they also added this, this little piece that said, you know, that research showed that men apply to jobs even when they meet only about 60% of the criteria required, on average, um, while it is those women and people who are from other marginalized communities who will opt not to apply at all unless they, uh, fit every single piece of criteria that's there on the post. 

And so, um, when she saw this, obviously that gave her some insight to the culture of the company and, like, what their values were and so she felt really good about that and that inspired her to apply. 

But also, after reading that she was sharing how it also inspired her to double down in her own business because it made her, I guess, self-aware of the fact that she may be self-limiting solely because she constantly felt like, or feels like, she's not good enough. She doesn't have the things down pat yet. She doesn't, you know, she doesn't have X, Y, or Z credential and so, for that reason, she can't go all in. 

And this is something that's so, so common. And it's something, honestly, that I hear about very often not only when I'm working with my students here inside of Hennapreneur, but even when I offer, you know, consulting to other creative entrepreneurs. This is a mindset thing that oftentimes comes up. And so I want to chat with you guys about that because it is something that is incredibly easy to overlook because you're not looking for it, right?

So let's talk about, like, the root of the problem, right? The root of the problem, in most cases, is that there are stories that we tell ourselves. And many times we accept narratives that aren't our own. Um, we accept narratives that are rampant, you know, in our society. And there are things that we learn that are placed on us - belief systems or value systems or other narratives. Um, other identifying narratives, often, that are placed on us when we're very young, right? As children, this happens. And so, the socialization that, that we experienced from our childhood, that impacts the way that we see ourselves and the way that we see the world around us. 

And sadly for many of us, that narrative is very deeply rooted in, like, this racist, patriarchal system that we live in. And the racist patriarchy has a way of being incredibly pervasive and influential and it does have a heavy weight, if you will, about it in those longstanding stories that we have that we tell ourselves. And so what are those stories look like, right? What are we even talking about here? 

Common stories that I find are often held by, um, you know, by would-be business  owners or would-be, uh, hennapreneurs, there's a range here, right? In working with hennapreneurs over the years, I will say that there are a number of stories though, that I do see over and over again. Sometimes stories are more personal. Sometimes they tie back to a very specific, um, event or a narrative that took, you know, that took place or that was experienced by someone in their childhood. And it might be like very, again, very like specific and very personal. But other times, um, it comes from narratives that are cultural. Um, it comes from narratives that are, like, societal. And these are the ones that I hear more frequently than not, right? 

And so these stories might look like things like: artists don't make money. There's no money in the arts. And we're taught that from early on. I mean, you can think-. Recently, I was speaking on a panel for an art school in Chicago and one of the, um, other panelist who was there and who was also sharing his experience talked about how, as he was getting ready to go to college, his guidance counselor - his college prep person - provided him with all of the pamphlets and all of like the, um, paperwork for how to apply to STEM programs and never extended any, you know, any information about arts programs to him until he made the explicit request for them. 

And why is that, right? Why does that happen? 

It's because, as a society, in general, we don't think that there is money in art. And so, even as it relates to young children, um, or the youth who are coming up, and if you look back at your own childhood, I would be very surprised if you saw anything other than this narrative, right? Because even for myself, I look back and, yeah, we weren't talking about the arts. It was all, you know, you need to go to school and you need to get an education. And you guys know my background is in social work. Like, these are fields that require a certain amount of, uh, education and it certainly is not about the arts. 

Um, I remember even, for myself, when I was planning to go to university, I didn't go in with the intent of becoming a social worker. I actually went to university with a focus in the liberal arts, um, from a people perspective. I went in for international communications. My intent was actually to become an interpreter. 

So, even inside of that space, that was kind of considered a little loosey goosey, right? Like, that still was like, 'Ooh, those are soft skills.' Right? That's not engineering. That's not law. That's not, you know, architecture. That's not where the money is. You're not going to school to be a doctor. You're going to study people and language? Like, even that was considered like kind of, you know, ' Mmmm, maybe you need a backup plan.' 

And so can you imagine, you know, going into school and being like, 'Yeah, I'm going to go to be an artist.' Like, people don't take it seriously. 

So this is a story that comes up very, very often. You know, 'artists don't make any money' and you may have, as you look at your own life experience, um, you may be able to identify places and very specific times where things were said, or behaviors were, uh, were witnessed where that belief system became ingrained in the stories that you hold, right? 

Another one that we see come up, and this one is so funny to me, um, because it's like, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we minimize ourselves? 

Well, um, you know, I'm literally getting paid to draw on people's skin. There's no way that I can make real money off of this. There's no way. I'm doodling on people's skin. It's just too much fun. It's just too simple. 

And so we minimize our skill set. Forget the fact that it is a hard craft to learn, let's be real. Like, remember the first time you picked up a henna cone. Like, was it super easy for you? No. Odds are it probably looked like absolute trash. I know that's the truth for my own work, right? 

So, we tend to minimize what we do. 

Oh, I'm just drawing. Oh, I'm just doodling. Oh, I'm just doing something... it's temporary. 

Like that means something. It only means what you make it mean, friend. And if you make it mean that it's minimal, if you make it mean like it's nothing, if you make it mean like it's no big deal, well, then of course it makes sense that you don't value it enough to believe that other people would value it enough to make you real money. 

Well, I'm here to tell you, my loves, that that's not the way that this works. You can make very, very good income as a henna artist drawing, doodling, on other people's skin, but you won't do that if you don't believe it, right? 

Another story that comes up very often is: well, I didn't go to school for business, so I don't know how to make this work. 

I didn't go to school for business, so I don't know how to write contracts. 

I didn't go to school for business, so I don't know how to manage money. 

I didn't go to school for business, so I don't know how to market my business. 

I didn't go to school for business, so Chelsea, I don't know how I'm going to get clients. What do I need to do? Should I sign up for a course? Should I go back to school? 

Literally, these are things that I hear. And I have to remind people: it's not necessary for you to go back and get a four-year degree in Business Administration. In fact, in fact, what I often hear , and I've heard this multiple times from not only consulting clients, but even clients inside of Hennapreneur PRO, is: Chelsea. I am a lifelong student. I'm currently enrolled in university, or I have completed already an MBA, or I have already completed a business program by way of that college or by way of that university, and what I'm learning here with you is more valuable than what I gleaned from the schoolwork. 

Why is that? Because there's experience that happens when you gain information that's coming from a lens of experience - a lens of, 'Hey, I've been there, I've done that. This is what works. This is what doesn't work. Hey, these are the blind spots,' whatever. That's valuable. 

And so, inside of your business, you need to not be looking like 'oh, well, I need to have all the theory in order'. You can go to business school for sure. They'll teach you all the theory and, you know, under the sun. But there is a difference between theory and practice, friends. 

And so, once you get out there into the wild, wild west that is business ownership and entrepreneurship, you have to be willing and flexible. You have to be willing and be flexible with the fact that, um, those theories that you learned might not actually work. It's in practice that you learn the actual ropes of what you're doing, okay? 

And so these are just some examples. 

We hold so many narratives as truths as to why we couldn't or shouldn't go for our big audacious goals. And I want to challenge you to stop with that mess, okay?

We have to rewrite the stories. We have to step into our power and allow ourselves permission to bet on us. If you could just like stick with me for a second. 

Imagine, friends. Imagine having the confidence of a middle-aged white man in America, happily applying for positions that on paper you are significantly underqualified for and knowing that and doing it anyway. 

And imagine being in those shoes and getting selected, because you were one of the very few who actually applied. 

Forget the fact that there are people who are way more qualified who didn't even show up to the table out of the fear that they weren't enough. 

And imagine being that person and realizing after the fact that you would have had that position in the bag, but you didn't bet on you. 

It's wild, right? From all sides, it's wild. And we have the obligation, I feel, to rewrite that narrative and to rewrite that story for ourselves. And when we do that for ourselves, we're also changing the culture of our shared community, of our industry, of our society as a collective. And we all know that there is a lot that needs improvement, right?

Listen, you don't have to know everything about henna or everything about business, but what you do need to know in order to be successful is that you're willing to figure it out. 

There are some questions that you need to ask yourself: am I willing to learn. Am I willing to be flexible. Am I willing to take advice. Am I willing to invest in myself. Am I willing to own my vision and do the work to make it reality. 

The more frequently you do this, the more frequently you say yes to these things, the more quickly you will rewrite these stories for yourself. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once you take those risks, once you make those steps towards your big audacious goals, then, and only then, with those very aligned strategic actions will you have success that's going to bolster you towards the next big thing. And when you do that, the more confident you'll become of your own capacity, your own capability, your own, um, amazingness, okay? Like, that's what it is. 

And so I want to challenge you today to really marinate on what I'm sharing with you here, okay? You don't have to know it all. You don't have to be it all. You don't have to have it all. But what you do have to have is a willingness to do these things. To learn to be flexible, to invest, to take advice, and to own your power to step into your power by owning that vision, right, and putting the work in to make it reality. 

I want to invite you into a conversation inside of the Hennapreneur Community. I would love to know: if you had all of the confidence in the world, what would you build with your head in the business? What would it look like?  I want to know. Would that be a henna boutique? Would you be working on a cruise ship? Would you be the celebrity henna artist? Who knows? I don't know. What would it be? If you had all of the confidence in the world, what would you build? I'm interested to hear that from you because if we can just give ourselves space, permission, to acknowledge what our wants are, to acknowledge what that vision, what those big audacious goals are, then that's the first step in saying, "Okay, maybe that's possible." We first have to be willing to vocalize our desire and to vocalize our wants for where we'd like to be, and then, and only then, can we start to kind of pick at, interrogate, those stories that we have under the surface that are keeping us from reaching those goals. So, let's dream a little together, yeah? If you're not already a member of the Hennapreneur Community, I want to invite you. You can join me over there. Jump in on the conversation. Tell me what are your big audacious goals and what you would do with your business if you had all the confidence in the world. 

I'm looking forward to chatting with you more about this there. 

Until next time. I'll talk to you guys later.  

Hey friend. I just want to give you a quick, thank you for tuning into this episode of the Hennapreneur podcast. And I hope that you're really enjoying connecting with me in this way. You can find links to all of the content shared today in the show notes, located at Hennapreneur.com/podcast.

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