ep. 043 • my shoe story pt. II of II

Chelsea: This is not something that's unique to me, this is an experience that all of us have, and it might look a little different for each of us, but the premise is the same: when opportunities to invest in ourselves appear, at least in my experience, it's been in those times that my inner critic likes to be the loudest. That's when I have the most negative self-talk. That's when I'm, like, the most self-conscious. I was asking myself all sorts of questions. What about me was worthy of shoes like that, right? What would be more responsible? What was a more responsible way of spending my money? I mean, you could purchase a car at that price point, right?

Like, you can literally go on Facebook Marketplace or visit, like, a used car lot and you could purchase a whole new vehicle for the same amount of money that you would spend on a single pair of shoes. Like, are you really thinking about that? How on earth could I justify spending that on shoes? 

And this is the thing, like, this isn't unique to spending money on shoes. I remember thinking these exact things, the same sort of things when I invest in my business early on, and even today.

Welcome to the Hennapreneur podcast – the exclusive podcast of its kind dedicated to giving you an honest look at the realities of making a living as a henna professional.

I'm your host, Chelsea Stevenson, a tea-loving, shoe-collecting mother of three in constant search for the most popping pair of earrings and the perfect shade of red lipstick.

I'm also a professional henna artist and business strategist who went from barely being able to piece together a fluid design to being the owner of the most celebrated henna boutique in my city.

I'm on a mission to help henna professionals, to harness their skills and grow vibrant, profitable businesses that they absolutely love.

If you want to make more money with your art, you are definitely in the right place. Let's get to it!

Hey, hennapreneurs. So, last week on the podcast, I shared the beginning parts of my shoe story – more specifically, I shared what it was like for me to go from making everyday financial decisions based on how many pairs of shoes for my son the purchase could equal to buying my very first pair of high-end red bottom shoes. And I shared all about how it felt to see a pair of those shoes for the first time back in 2016 to how it was to actually purchase them for myself last year and everything in between. 

When we left off, I shared about my most recent trip to the Christian Louboutin boutique in Boston where I picked up another pair last weekend. And I promised that there would be more to the story. So, today, I want to get into that with you because I think it's so important to share the work in progress too, if that's cool, yeah? 

So, that morning–the morning that my friend and I visited the Louboutin boutique, I woke up with a very specific focus. I wanted to raise my abundance vibration. That's what it came down to. Just the night before, I'd received the acceptance letter from the business program that I'd applied to and I was absolutely thrilled to know that I'd been welcomed into the program and that starting soon I would have this new experience with, you know, more support and with more guidance and more help, also, for me to develop my business in the ways that are important to me. And so I was really excited, really thrilled and, yeah, there was that. And I knew also that you know, I'd be making this new insignificant investment in my business when I submitted the tuition, but I also wanted to make space to make a significant investment in myself because that is equally important to me.

See, over the years, I've come to the belief that when I want to make more money, I need to spend more too. And to me, there is a flow to money that has to be respected, right? I very much see money as a transient energy. It comes and it goes. And so, because I want to uplevel my revenue in a big way, I was prepared to make a number of what we can call "up-level investments", all right?

So I started the day off with those intentions and so, like, I remember getting ready in the morning. Like, I started the day with a shower with really lux products. And as I was doing the things to prepare myself to go out I had, my playlist, my money playlist going, and I was really feeling into the lyrics of each song. 

And before going out, I spent some time really settling into my body and experiencing the sensations in my body that came alongside imagining how it would feel to reach that next level, to reach that next goalpost, right? But this is the thing, just because I know to do these things doesn't mean that it's always easy. 

And I often talk to y'all here on the podcast about the importance of, like, leaning into our knowing. I talk to y'all about, you know, the importance of signaling abundance, the importance of acknowledging our wants, the importance of doing the work, obviously, as well, but there's a little bit in there about the energy of money too, that I know to be true for myself. And I often will share it with you, but just because I talk about it doesn't –. And just because I practice that too, right? Because it's not a matter of just speaking about it. These are things that I practice in my own life and business. But just because I do those things and just because I hold those practices doesn't mean that it's easy every time. That's the nature of the comfort zone, isn't it? In order to expand outside of that comfort zone, we have to get uncomfortable. And so every time I'm looking for that next thing, I also, you know,I experience the discomfort and so... yeah. 

So, to that point, when we arrived at the Christian Louboutin boutique, things actually didn't go as planned and I found myself facing some of this, like, mindset stuff in a new way. 

You see, when I'd gone in, I'd gone in hoping to find a new pair of flats for everyday wear. In my mind, I was anticipating spending somewhere between $1200 to $1,600 in the store, okay? And when I arrived, this particular location, it was one of the smaller boutiques and they didn't have many flats in stock. In fact, they didn't even really have many flats out on display. The thing is, when you visit a Christian Louboutin boutique, they have a number of pieces that are out on display and you can handle them there, you can try them on, but that doesn't even necessarily mean that they'll have them in stock behind the counter.

It's really like, oh, I like these, and then you make a purchase and that's that, right? And so, when I noticed that there weren't many pieces in stock, the attendant passed me, like, their digital catalog and she was showing me what's available in the store, in general, and I wasn't finding really what I was looking for. And so I was a little bit disappointed and I was like, man, like, I really, really wanted to spend this money. That's what it came down to. I was like, I really want to spend this money today and I want to spend it on something that's significant to me. And, uh, I knew that buying this pair of shoes was that something that would be very signaling to me and so I almost was like, man... Like, I didn't know, like, what was I going to do next? There was a couple other, shops that I could visit, but I really wanted another pair of red bottoms. 

And so, the attendant suggested that I take a peek at some of the sneakers instead. And actually, this was a great suggestion. I was there–. Actually, I was looking for something that I could have for, like, more everyday wear. And so, I was like, you know what? Yeah, let me go ahead and do that. Like, normally I wear flats. Sneakers actually sounds really good. I could use a new pair of sneakers. Let's take a look. 

And I found, at that point, I found two pairs that I really loved. One of them was this low top sneaker with vibrant watercolor floral prints on it and it had, like, satin. It's a leather shoe, but it's got a satin overlay and just, it was so, so pretty. So, so pretty. And if you don't know me, I have a tendency every week, on Sunday, I will go out and I'll go to the market and I will buy fresh flowers for myself. That's one of the things that I like to do. I love to have fresh flowers in my home. They also are one of the things that I do to signal abundance to me because growing up, we couldn't afford to have fresh flowers in the house. Like, for me, only rich people have fresh flowers in their house on a regular basis and that wasn't us, right? 

And so, as I got older and as my business started to perform at this different level, and as I also started to grow and really lean into doing things for me, that that felt good and that we're signaling of that abundance, I started to make this a habit for myself. And so, every Sunday, I would buy flowers. I still, every Sunday, I go to the market and I buy a bunch of flowers and I make different arrangements and I place them around my house because I love them. And because I was traveling to Boston, I actually didn't do my flower run. And so, I thought it was super appropriate that I would find this pair of shoes with these florals on it. I was like, yes, this totally makes up for not getting my flowers this week and then some, of course, and so I was really happy to find them. 

Now, the other pair was this all red high top sneaker with white piping, these dazzling–dazzling!–red crystals all over and bright red, spiked studs. If you could imagine Dorothy's ruby reds heels from the wizard of Oz, like, that's it. Like, it's the ruby red slipper, but with all the urban appeal of a sneaker. Like, yeah. If you can imagine this in your mind's eye, you are right on the money, okay? 

So I tried on both. I tried on both pairs and I knew just right off the bat, the floral pair would be perfect for everyday wear. That's what I was there for. And then like, I paused though on the ruby reds, because like, where would I wear them? Like, I tried them on. I really loved them. I loved them when I saw them. I was absolutely smitten. And when I put them on, I was like, oh my gosh, yes. I can see myself wearing these, like, for photo shoots. I could see myself wearing these when I'm speaking on stage, I can see myself wearing these when I'm doing events, when I'm working on events, I can see myself wearing these shoes and I loved them. Loved them. But then I'm like, Chelsea, you're not really speaking right now, right? Like, we're still in the midst of COVID. Like, things aren't happening in that same way. Do you really just want them for photos? Like, do you really? And so like, these sorts of those sorts of mmm... ahhh.. hesitations started to come up. 

And my friend asked me–she's there with me as my moral support, if you will–she asked me, "Is it love? Do you love them?" And I'm like, "Yeah! Yeah, I love them." And it really, really was like, I was like, "Okay, perfect. All right, you know what?" I turn over to the attendant and I'm like, "Okay, perfect. I'm going to take both pairs. I'll just take both pairs." And she's like, "Great!" She's like, "Great." And then she says to me, "And will this be all right?" And she asked me that as she flips the ruby red high tops over and on the bottom is the price tag. I hadn't looked at the price tag at all. I have, you know, obviously, shopping there, I have an idea of what the pairs cost. And so, because I went in with a particular budget in mind, I, you know, I didn't even–. I'm like, okay, I should be fine with, you know, doing these two pairs. Ahh, no. No, that did not go according to plan. 

She asked me, "And will this be all right?" And she flips over the high top and underneath the price tag was nearly four times what I'd planned to spend in total. And I'm like, "Ooh." 

And so my friend is like, "Well, how much are they?" And I'm like, "They're $4,000." And she's like, "Okay." 

She's like, "Well, how much are the other ones?" I'm like, "Oh, those are nothing. Those are, they're $800 bucks." Which side note that is a wild experience. I just have to say, like, ..that is a wild experience for me to be like, oh yeah, that's–. Oh, it's no big deal. It's just 800 bucks. And we'll talk a little bit more about that in a bit, but like, I just have to, like, pause right there, because if I'm being really real after I spit those words out, I asked her the same thing: who are we? Like, who am I? Like, who am I? This is the experience that I just had. I just said those words. 

So I'm–. You know, I'm taken aback by the price tag because that's not what I was expecting. And, uh, the attendant then goes on to explain that this is a pair that's from a limited line. Only around 200, 200-some pairs of this particular shoe had been made. This is not a pair of shoes that's available for purchase. After it sells out, it's gone. It's not available for purchase online. And while–. 

Actually, they didn't even have my size available at their location, they could have it shipped to me from Chicago. That's where there was a pair available. And actually, that pair in Chicago was the last available pair in my size at all. As in, like, that was the last available pair in the world. And so, I'm like, "Oh," but still, like, I was not prepared for that. Like, I didn't see that coming. 

And so, I purchased the low top satin sneakers and I left the ruby red sneakers behind because like, hello? Hi, my name is Chelsea Stevenson and who the hell did I think that I was, right? 

And so, by the time we finished shopping, my friend and I, we continued to shop around the mall. We visit a whole bunch of different different spots. We visited Versace. We went to Fendi. We went to Yves Saint Lauren, we went to all these different shops and we just went– and Tiffany, you name it, we went, we visited, we did the thing. And I was happy just with, you know, with that experience of, again, upleveling, if you will, that energetic pull that vibrational pull around abundance. You know, touching the things, feeling the things, making inquiries, making purchases, and just allowing myself to experience that space. And I felt really full. And we actually did make a second trip back to the Christian Louboutin shop for me to see the shoes, once again, I went and I, like, as we were leaving the shopping center there, I stopped there once more. Went, saw the shoes again, tried them on again, and was like, not today. Like, it's fine. Not today. And so I was kind resigned with the idea that like, these are not shoes that I'm taking with me today, but like, it's okay. 

And by the time I'd returned back to the hotel, I'd actually let the idea of the ruby reds go entirely, right? I'd settled in and I logged into my email to review the onboarding documents that I'd gotten from the program I'd enrolled in earlier that morning and I was set to get to work when I noticed something that was included in the welcome letter. The sign off for the welcome letter said, "Here's to leveling up and looking good doing it." 

And this was very interesting to me because this is not a phrase that I anticipated from this program that I'd been accepted into. The brand experience, if you will, it didn't feel like something that I would expect to hear from them. But when I read those words, the shoes came right back to mind. And I started to ask a bunch of questions, right? What were the odds that this specific language would be used in this welcome letter. What were the odds that I'd happen upon THE shoes–'cause they were THE shoes. Oh my gosh. I was so in love with them–while I was in Boston. 

And to be very honest, like, Boston is a city that has never held any interest to me. I've never been like, yeah, I just want to go to Boston. Sorry for my Boston-based hennapreneurs but like, there's been no draw for me there, right? So what are the odds that I would even be in that city? Let alone that I'd be in that city with one of my business besties who traveled from across the world to visit with me there, you know, for us to offer this VIP experience and what were the odds that I'd come across these shoes with a single pair available for purchase in the world, right? 

I left with a pair that I enjoyed. Yeah, absolutely. I love my floral red bottoms, but I'd denied myself the ones that I really wanted. And why was that? And this here is where I want to, like, shed some light on this for you because this is not something that's unique to me. This is an experience that all of us have, and it might look a little different for each of us, but the premise is the same. When opportunities to invest in ourselves appear, at least in my experience, it's been in those times that my inner critic likes to be the loudest. That's when I have the most negative self-talk. That's when I'm like the most self-conscious. I was asking myself all sorts of questions. What about me was worthy of shoes like that, right? What would be more responsible? What was a more responsible way of spending my money? I mean, Chelsea, you could purchase a car at that price point, right? Like, you can literally go on Facebook Marketplace or visit like a used car lot.

And you could purchase a whole new vehicle for the same amount of money that you would spend on a single pair of shoes. Like, are you really thinking about that? How on earth could I justify spending that on this? And this is the thing, like, this isn't unique to spending money on shoes. I remember thinking these exact things, the same sort of things when I invest in my business early on, and even today. 

I remember thinking the same things when I invested in kilo of henna for the first time. Why are you spending all of that money? It was,you know $65 plus shipping and handling. What was I doing paying $80-85 for a kilo of henna? Was I even good enough? When was I going to use all of that henna? 

I remember thinking this when I invested on my first website. Why do that when you could just have a Facebook page? That's free. Why do that when you could just as easily set up one of the free websites on Weebly, right? Why would you spend money to have a well-branded website, Chelsea? 

I remember hesitating before investing in my first really solid festival tent because I'd gotten a good life out of the one that I picked up on the clearance bin. 

Like, I remember feeling that twinge of guilt when I upgraded my business cards to the perfectly branded thick, heavy-weighted paper variety from the easy and cheap, like, budget-friendly kind that I had before. 

I remember–oh my gosh–I remember my inner critic throwing an absolute tantrum the first time that I invested five-figures on a business coach. Like, who in the entire hell was I? Right? Clearly, audacity was on sale because I was well-stocked up on it, okay? 

And this is the thing, when we approach our next level, our identities are challenged. It is that question of: who are you? Who do you think you are? We begin to take inventory of all the ways in which we perceive ourselves. We start to question and make assessment of our values. We ask ourselves if it's safe, acceptable, and perhaps even morally sound to toe the edge of who we are now and where we hope to be. And I'm here to tell you that this exact thing, this stretching, this expanding, is an experience that exists at every stage of your life and business journey.

When I went to look at these shoes, when I was making the decision around buying these shoes, these ruby red low tops, I found myself running all sorts of questions through my mind. And after weighing all of the things out, what it really all came down to was this – did I deserve them? Did I deserve them?

For me, in this instance it was the shoes, right? But perhaps for you, friend, the question centers something else. 

Do you deserve that vacation with your family? 

Do you deserve to leave the job that you hate? 

Do you deserve to be well compensated for your art? 

Do you deserve to own your first home? 

Do you deserve support and guidance in your business? 

Do you deserve a pair of red bottoms for yourself? Maybe you want that. 

Do you deserve a business that is profitable enough to support all of your personal and professional goals? 

I believe that you do. I believe that you're deserving of all of the good things you could hope for and that you could want for. I believe that we all are, but we have to be willing to challenge our current sense of identity before we can own that next level identity and unlock those new experiences.

After sitting in the discomfort of my own audacity, I grabbed the business card for the attendant who helped me earlier that day and I sent her a text message asking if she could help me process the purchase of the ruby red shoes – which, side note, still I'm like, who am I that goes to places where you can text the shop attendant later and be like, "Yeah, could you–. Actually, yes, could you just charge that to my account, please? Thanks." What?! Little old me from Texas? What? It's wild. It's wild. Within a few minutes, I'd signed the paperwork. She sent me all the documents in an email. I'd signed the paperwork and I provided my info to make the shoes mine. 

And at the time of this recording, I'm actually really excitedly awaiting for them to be delivered to my home from Chicago.

So, last week, I asked you to identify your own shoe story. I asked you to, you know, tell me a little bit more, or at least notice for yourself, where your come up story is. What is that thing, that want that you have, or that draw that you've got that perhaps you've yet to pull the trigger on, right? And this week, I'd love to extend a different invitation. 

This week, I'd love to extend the invitation for you to consider what beliefs you have around your own identity that are keeping you from up-leveling right now. If you're comfortable, obviously, we'll be talking about this over in the Hennapreneur Community and I'd love to hear your thoughts and to coach you through this a little bit. 

So, that's my question for you, friend. What are your beliefs around your identity and which of those beliefs need to be stretched or perhaps rewritten entirely in order for you to expand into the next level of your journey? Cheers to us up-leveling and doing it looking absolutely fantastic in the process, right? With that, I'll leave you until next time. Bye for now.

Hey friend I just want to give you a quick thank you for tuning into this episode of the Hennapreneur podcast. And I hope that you're really enjoying connecting with me in this way. You can find links to all of the content shared today in the show notes, located at Hennapreneur.com/podcast. 

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For more ways to connect and work with me or to join me inside of the Hennapreneur Community, pop over to Hennapreneur.com. I can't wait to support you as you chase your big, audacious goals one henna design at a time.